Sunday, April 6, 2008

Do you see what I see?

Yes, time does seem to heal all wounds. But does it make us blind, unable to see what is right in front of us? Does love change your perception? Does hate alter reality? We think of reality as tangible touchable things around us. That it is an interactive environment that we can affect. What we see is what it is. We are convinced when we see something that it must exist as we see it.

We all know that it is not true that what you see is reality. One can simply reject your reality and accept their own. Suppose we are standing looking at a field of flowers. Do we see the same thing? Is it the same to you and me? Whose reality is right? I we look at a field of flowers, you might see them as purple but I see them a blue. Who is right? They are perfectly clear and blue to me. You can try to convince me they are purple but I will reject your reality. Mine is mine!

When I look at my wife, I don't see what she sees. Actually, unless I consciously look at her and examine her features, I don't really see her at all. I see an image. I believe our brains conserve space and energy by simply storing a representative image people we are very close to. This is why we don't always see subtle changes like a haircut or slight change in hair color. If I want to describe her, I have to sit a moment and picture her as she is now. I have to think about it. Funny that. I have explored her whole body yet I need to think about how to describe her. This is because my brain is storing an image of her. A snapshot of sorts. My reality is skewed.

When she looks in a mirror, she surely sees what are faults to her. We all do. In her reality she might have a mole on her cheek she hates for some reason or other. In my reality I might see it and think it is cute. We see the same mole yet our realities see something different.

My wife will write in her blog about her weight or the size of her butt. She talks of losing weight and downsizing. She sees something she does not like when she looks at herself in the mirror. I don't see her the same way she does. I don't see in her what I see in other people. I'll make crude jokes about other women. I'll read my wife's blog and think "I just made some offensive comment about someone else that is kind of like something she just said about herself. Does she think that I am thinking these ill comments about her??" I don't see her the same way I see other people. Has love blinded me? I don't think so. I think love has changed my reality.

In the past, I have dated and known women I thought were quite pretty. Once I got to know them, they sometimes were terribly mean or just terrible people. After I got to know them, when I looked at them, I no longer saw the attractive person I once saw. My reality changed. They did not turn into horribly disfigured beasts, but they were no longer attractive to me. The converse has happened too. Women I did not find attractive at one time became attractive after I gt to know the person rather than the shell.

So, it seems that how we feel about someone changes how we see them. Our reality is flexible. We can simply change our reality when we need to. As I write this entry and drink a glass of red wine, I can feel my reality changing. Don't think of reality as absolute. Think of it as flexible and accommodating. Just don't take it too far or they will lock you up.

I started writing this because I read my wife blog and was not seeing the person she was talking about. My brain has locked onto an image of her. I think I will always see a collage image of her from every happy moment we ever had together. I accept this reality as my own.

1 comment:

alienbody said...

One of the many reasons why I love you so!